Martin Lightbody (Captain) (aka Bulb)

Martin ‘Mr Benn’ Lightbody loves an outfit, whether it be for partridge shooting, a day at Ascot or strolling the fairways of Loch Lomond, he’ll be properly attired and always with a hat (you’ll know why when you see him). Now with elephant polo, he’ll have another outfit to wear.

Born an entrepreneur, like his Father (whom he met occasionally, when allowed home from boarding school), Martin has gone on to to make a fortune in moist sponge.

Always the life and soul of any party (usually thrown by himself!), Martin with his portable Karaoke machine will be there at the forefront and, if possible, in a fancy dress outfit (Elvis, Superman and Mother Theresa are 3 particular favourites).

Martin is also keen on a filly or two with quite an accomplished stable to his name, although he now takes more of a backseat in the breeding game. As well as an accomplished golfer, excellent skier and retired rugby player he was an amateur jockey so has more chance than the rest of his team of staying on top of his elephant – probably why he entered!

Martin is a pillar of the community, generous, happy to give credit when credit is due, ever patient, always puts others before himself and  is always totally appreciative of the efforts that others go to for him and never hesitates to say thank you. He more often than not puts his family first and is understated in dress and demeanor. His only vice being the occasional sherry before lunch at his mother's on a Sunday and a tendency to have a unrealistically high opinion of his athletic prowess.

Iain Davidson (aka Dixie - aka the Worlds Fattest Vegetarian)

Yes, unusual among a group such as ours, Dixie is to all intents and purposes a veggie. It doesn't make him a bad person but it's just one of his many endearing idiosyncrasies that make him the charming individual he is. 

Of more interest on this trip, is which Dixie will turn up? the fearless skier or the fearful cyclist who has to put his foot down to turn a corner?  Putting the foot down from the back of an elephant would be quite a feat!

He is a very fine Golfer and as befits a member of the R & A and Prestwick, very good company and general tourist.

However, beware the sweets!! 

Jamie Londsdale (aka Jamesy)

Of Jamaican descent, Jamesy, as he is known by the locals, now lives in a lovely hamlet outside Coalburn, a residential mining village.

Somewhat outwith his comfort zone having been brought up in the West End of Glasgow, Jamesy and his family, consisting of vivacious wife and three born to be wild children, have settled into country life by growing their own vegetables and living off the land.

Having had a positively average private education at Kelvinside Academy, Jamesy scaled new heights at House of Fraser, where he rose to the head of the Haberdashery Department.

Feeling the need to fulfill his true potential, Jamesy is now the proud owner of two estate agencies in Lanarkshire, providing accommodation for the homeless and less privileged human beings, showing what a magnificent pillar of the community he is.

On the sporting front, the occasional game of darts and snooker with a pint and fag keeps his finely toned body in shape.

Crawford Currie

Mr. Organised.  If it wasn’t for him there’s a fair chance none of us would return! Always one step ahead of the gang, making sure everything is correct, Crawford has honed his ‘man-management’ qualities taking us all skiing each year and (so far) always getting us back – albeit sometimes in bits. He has often been seen defending the last empty après ski table from advancing Germans for several hours.

When he eventually lets his hair down Crawford loves a good band. Was known to return (on his own) in St Anton to the same venue night after night because the band was Fan-Tas-Tic!

A Chartered Accountant by trade, he is known to count well, especially on the golf course when he hasn’t entered the medal.  Crawford’s promising sprinting career was cut woefully short in ‘Le Paris du Cak 200m’ when he tore ligaments in his leg. The leg has recovered, ego needing time!

Jeremy Hart (aka Jer)

Jeremy, aka Victor Meldrew, is a former hairdresser turned Financial Advisor – some combination! He is a grumpy sort of a fellow who loves to complain almost as much as he loves to tuck into a tub of his favourite Haagen Daas ice cream. Here’s hoping his elephant is an amenable type and does what he/she is told.

A confirmed family man, he is doubly blessed with a lovely wife and daughter and resides in Pollockshields, a suburb of Glasgow soon to be twinned with Bangalore.

His sporting prowess knows no bounds. His winters are spent honing his skills both on and off piste. His ski-ing is very much based on a kamikaze style where getting down the slope in the quickest time is the order of the day. Off piste, Jeremy is a master of après ski and can often be found wandering aimlessly through the back streets of Ischgl in Austria having spent all his money on “trinken und tantzen”.

His summers are devoted to golf. Unfortunately, the large fin that protrudes from his back hampers his swing. He is a former member of the internationally renowned, “I’ll Be There” touring party but had to call off a couple of years ago after stubbing his toe – he is no longer welcome on tour, much to his annoyance.

Recently, as a result of a severe mid-life crisis, he has been taking motor bike lessons – maybe he just likes wearing leather.

George Asher (aka Rash)

THE 'NAIRN BOY' PRAYER!!

OUR GEORGE,
WHICH ART WITH CAKES,
HALLOWED BE THY PASTRIES,
THY CREAM BUN,
THY SAUSAGE ROLL,
IN 'ASHERS'
AS IT IS IN 'GREGGS'  (maybe Lightbodys)

GIVE US EACH DAY OUR ELE-PHANT
AND FORGIVE OUR NEPA-LESE!!
AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO ARE 'GINGER'!!
AND LEAD US NOT INTO DEFEAT
BUT DELIVER US WITH VICTORY

FOR THINE IS THE TOURNEMENT
THE ELEPHANT AND THE POLO!!
FOR SCOTLAND(maybe Caledonia) AND ETERNITY

AMEN!!

David Gillon (aka Captain Chaos aka The Rave)

A friendlier chap you will not meet. fluent apre 8pm. in whatever language you would like to converse with him in. The Rave will bounce back from any situation with an injury to show for. An excellent tennis player and single handicap golfer and enthusiastic and above average in most sporting arenas, apart from squash (walls too close for injury). He is not adverse to wearing a driving slipper and please feel free speak to him on the following topics:

• What school his son goes to
• Hotel car parking barriers
• Stabbings on the dance floor
• Je ma pelle Rave
• Guide to A&E Departments in the UK and abroad
• Complicated global travel itineraries

Michael Courtney (aka the builder)

Apparently “the Lord” will provide for this happy go lucky builder. Specialising in digging holes and filling them with water he has built swimming pools far and wide for the rich and famous. He has an “ambrosia” anthem that he enjoys people singing to him and will need to be careful of things nesting or hibernating in him if he takes his shirt off. Generally crap at sport but this is more than made up for with enthusiasm and “bear” cheek.

Andy Dunlop (aka Mandra)